


Breath and then talk

by miikeyboy



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 16:26:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15755463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miikeyboy/pseuds/miikeyboy
Summary: Today was going to be a good day. Get up, get dressed, get all of your school supplies together, go to the bathroom, brush your teeth. The same nice schedule. Nothing changing. It helped with your anxiety when you knew what to do. Lately, it was almost like your anxiety was working overtime. Brush hair, go downstairs, get water bottle, take med-





	Breath and then talk

**Author's Note:**

> *WARNING - PANIC ATTACK AND VERBAL ABUSE*

Today was going to be a good day. Get up, get dressed, get all of your school supplies together, go to the bathroom, brush your teeth. The same nice schedule. Nothing changing. It helped with your anxiety when you knew what to do. Lately, it was almost like your anxiety was working overtime. Brush hair, go downstairs, get water bottle, take med-

“Uh, dad?” You called out quietly. “What?!” He shouted back, making you flinch. “D-Did you get my meds yesterday?” You asked quietly. He stormed into the kitchen and glared at you. “I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” He yelled and you backed away. “I-I a-asked if-if you got m-my med-medication.” You stuttered out and your dad sighed angrily. “No, I didn’t get them, stutters. Can’t believe you woke me up for this bullshit.” He stormed off and you released the breath you were holding in. You started to rub your thumb into your palm roughly.

Don’t take medication, grab your backpack, text your boyfriends that you were ready to be pic- ‘URG’ You thought and sat down on your bedroom floor. You couldn’t think straight. Your head felt like it was about to explode. You wrapped your arms around your knees. You rocked back and forth to try and calm yourself down. Back and forth, back and forth, back and for- Your phone went off and it was Evan, one of your boyfriends, saying that they were at your house. You got up and grabbed your bag, walking out to Connor’s, your other boyfriend, car.

You jumped in and was met with Evan wrapping his arms around you, pulling you into a tight hug. The pressure from the hug helped you calm down. “Hey princess! How are you this morning?” Connor asked from the front seat. You nodded and he frowned. “You’ve gone non-verbal…..what did that asshole say to you today?” He was starting to get angry before Evan put his hand on Connor’s arm to calm him. You shook your head and looked out the window. Connor nodded and started to drive to school.

Turns out, today was a horrible. School wasn’t as good as you hoped to be. All the yelling that normally didn’t bother you seemed to be 10 times louder. Your English teacher had yelled at you for speaking when you weren’t supposed to even though it was the person sitting next to you. Your brain felt like a thunderstorm was at it’s most violent phase. You rushed to lunch where you would get to see Connor and Evan together at once.

You sat down at your guy’s usual table and waited. You quietly rocked your feet back and forth, rubbing your arm. You looked up as Evan sat down across from you. “Hey (Y/N), are you alright? I know you’re non-verbal at the moment so you can just text me if you want.” Evan asked quietly. You shook your head and forced a smile. You shouldn’t bother him with your problems. Your anxiety was so small compared to his. He nodded, unconvinced, and Connor sat down. He started grumbling about a teacher being a dick and soon your forced smile was forgotten.

School was soon over and you made your way to Connor’s car. Evan was standing by Connor’s car by himself which was unusual. You tugged his sleeve and pointed to the front seat. “I’m not sure where he is, love.” Evan frowned. You pulled out  
your phone to text Connor.

You: 'hey where r u? ur not by ur car like normal’  
Connor: 'i’ll be there in a couple minutes princess. don’t worry.“

You showed Evan the texts and he smiled, kissing the top of your head. Soon, Connor was next to you guys and you all piled into his car. Tonight, you were all going to Evan’s house to hang out since it was Friday. You just sat quietly and the thunderstorm in your head got louder and more violent. You couldn’t stand it. You needed your medication. You needed to calm down. You needed your boys around you.

Suddenly, Connor jacked up his punk music super loud to mess with Evan. That is was the tipping point. You desperately tried to calm yourself down but it wasn’t working. You grabbed your arm tightly and started to rub your arm. You started to reach out to Evan but he was too distracted by Connor. Your brain read that as 'they don’t care about what you’re doing. they think your problems are so small and insignificant to be bothered’. You had fat tears running down your cheeks. Connor looked in the rearview mirror to check if anyone was behind him to pass the car in front of him when he saw you in the middle of a panic attack. His eyes went wide and turned off the music before speeding into an abandoned parking garage. Evan looked confused when Connor parked, got out, and opened your door. Evan turned back to see Connor unbuckling you.

”(Y/N)? Oh my gosh!“ Evan got out too and helped Connor get you out of the car. They sat you down a couple feet away from the car. Evan sat down next to you while Connor knelt in front of you. Connor grabbed your hands and started to help you calm down. "Hey, beautiful. Can you breathe with me? In, count to 7, hold for 4, breath out for 8, hold for 5.” You repeated the pattern for about 10 minutes and soon you were all sitting in silence. You let go of one of Connor’s hand to grab Evan’s hand. “I-I’m-I’m sorry..” You whispered and Evan frowned. “Don’t be sorry (Y/N). It’s our fault for noticing sooner.” Connor nodded in agreement. “What happened today, princess?” Connor asked and you started to rock side to side gently. “Dad forgot medication.” You whispered and Connor frowned.

“Alright, that’s it. He’s not taking care of you. You’re gonna live with one of us for a while.” Connor growled. Evan rubbed Connor’s arm to calm him down. “You can live with me. My mom loves you and is always asking when you’re going to get out of that house.” Evan smiled as you nodded. Connor kissed your head and leaned over to kiss Evan’s cheek. After a while, you all got back into Connor’s car but this time, Evan sat in the back with you. He had his arms wrapped around you. Connor pulled into Evan’s driveway and looked confused. “Oh my god it’s 5:00!” He shouted suddenly, causing you to flinch. “Evan, your mom is home. Awe man! I wanted to blow you before she got home.” Connor winked and Evan blushed. You giggled and kissed Evan’s cheek.

“Let’s just get inside,” Evan said and the three of you got out and walked inside. “Mom, we’re home!” Evan called to his mom. She came running out of the living room. “Oh! I was so worried, normally you three ar- (Y/N) honey, are you alright?” She looked concerned at you and Connor wrapped his arm around you. “Mom, can (Y/N) live with us…..it’s her dad….” Evan asked and she nodded in a heartbeat. “Of course!! She can take the guest room!” She smiled and you walked over to hug her. Heidi was the first person you three came out as a couple too. She has been your guy’s biggest supporter through your 3-year long relationship.

She smiled as you hugged her tightly. “Hey, princess? Let’s go grab your meds and get your stuff from your dad’s house. Do you guys think you could get her room ready while we go out?” Connor asked and Evan smiled. “Yeah, dear.” Evan smiled as Connor kissed him. You and Connor walked back out to his car. After a while of not speaking, Connor sighed. “Hun, I don’t want you to think that I don’t think you aren’t strong but…..what if you started to go to therapy?” He asked and you looked at him, “What? Therapy…?” He nodded and you looked out the window. “will you and Evan help me pick out a therapist?” You asked after a couple minutes of silence. Connor smiled. “Of course princess!”

Today was an okay day. It was not the best but it wasn’t horrible. Maybe things will get bad again but in that moment, all you could think about was the present and not the future. You had your boys and knew they would look out for you no matter what. And that’s all you needed.


End file.
